Friday, October 31, 2008

Hypothetical Rejection

Dear Aspiring Writer,

Thanks for sending me your query. A book about the Holy Spirit communicating with you sounds fascinating - right up my alley. You're completely right about me not being courageous enough to represent it.

Except that I don't represent books with religious themes. Oh, and I also don't represent crazy people.

Sincerely,
Lyons Literary LLC

PS Best wishes for success!


23 comments:

Crimogenic said...

Boy, these crazy/research adverse writers give us all a bad name. Not to sound vain here, but thank goodness I'm not running with that pack of crazies.

Deaf Brown Trash Punk said...

lol... oh my god... you didn't really send that to the aspiring author, did you?

tsk tsk

Jonathan Lyons said...

Hypothetical rejection to a possibly hypothetical query...

Jaye Wells said...

So I shouldn't bother sending you my memoir about how Jesus appeared to me and ordered me to become a vampire hunter? Hypothetically, of course.

Jonathan Lyons said...

Hypothetically, wouldn't Jesus suggest that you try to make amends with vampires first? Brotherly love and all that?

Anonymous said...

It might make you feel better to know it goes both ways, these peculiar exchanges between agents and writers. Today I received a rejection from an agent I queried over nine months ago. (I checked the date.) In that nine month time frame, I landed a wonderful agent, got a four book deal with a great publisher, and haven't stopped working since.

But I didn't reply to her rejection, and thought it was nice (for her) that she actually caught up with her mailbox.

Jonathan Lyons said...

Congrats!

clindsay said...

BWA HA HA HA HA!!!

-Kelly Meding said...

wouldn't Jesus suggest that you try to make amends with vampires first?

I can see it now: Dogma meets The Passion of the Christ, in a modern, urban fantasy setting.

clindsay said...

Actually, I just rejected a horror novel (very politely, I might add) and got home only to discover that the author had decided that if I would only read the three attached chapters, I'd surely change my mind.

I'm afraid my second rejection to him wasn't nearly as polite...

Jaye Wells said...

wouldn't Jesus suggest that you try to make amends with vampires first?

Obviously, you haven't seen this.

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

That made me laugh. I really needed a laugh. Thanks.

Pamala Knight said...

Very funny. I think the hypothetical category is a great idea. Surely agents need an outlet to deal with all of those people who ignore their submission guidelines? Post a hypothetical rejection once a week to clear any residual hostility from all the letters from Crazytown.

denese said...

Hopefully I will comment on the right post this time...

What about the popularity of books like The Shack, or books by folks like John Gray?

Jonathan Lyons said...

I don't understand. I'm not saying books with religious themes aren't successful, and I'm certainly not saying that they're not important (whether we're talking about The Shack or Richard Dawkins). I just don't represent those types of books.

denese said...

I guess this isn't a way to impress an agent, but I would say that it was the last sentence of the hypothetical rejection letter--
"Oh, and I also don't represent crazy people"-- that prompted my last post.

Anyway, nice to meet you Mr. Lyons.

Denese

Kerry said...

nice!

Jonathan Lyons said...

Denese - again, I didn't think I said anything that would imply I'm making a judgement about these types of books. Please check out the blog posting I reference in the original entry.

Hypothetically though, if the Holy Spirit is talking to you, passing on commandments which you then must convey to the world via a book, I think you are either 1) a prophet or 2) crazy. It's my opinion that this would make a person crazy.

December/Stacia said...

*spittake*

Awesome.

Kelly Maher said...

Obviously, I need to start reading "Hypothetical rejection letter" as "What I really, really, really, *really* wish I could say to the crazies if I wasn't such a professional-type person" :D

Anonymous said...

There was a rejection posted that was similar, except the publisher was ashamed to print the work because the work was perfect, and how could the publisher ever publish another work after having printed the perfect one?

Or something like that. Anyway, it was hilarious.

Adaora A. said...

I'm getting to this post really late but I've got to laugh at your wonderful humour over the whole thing. People are psycho. I think you should email a clip of the girl screaming in the namesake movie because it might be fitting. I can't understand why people don't DO THEIR HOMEWORK. It takes a simple AgentQuery search or even google to pick up a blog, a website, anything that will tell you about who you're intending to query. If you can spend months writing, re-writing, editing, and re-writing again, then surely you can take the time to find out who you're sending your beloved work out to. Makes sense to me.

Cheers to you.

Anonymous said...

Crazy people can be fun:)